Just for Sexy Slushie Sarah

So at the request/demand from Sarah...I will write an update blog.

Tim has been gone for 2 weeks and 1 day. It actually, surprisingly, hasn't been as hard as I was expecting. Yes...yes...I know, everyone told me I'd be okay..but watching the days get closer and closer for him to leave..it was hard. I was able to speak to him pretty regularly from when he left til he went down range for basic, which was Monday, Nov 9th. They were allowed to have their phones and I think most of that was due to the Ft. Hood shootings. A lot of them were pretty shooken up, as was the nation. The night before he went down range, Sunday the 8th, he was able to speak to me on the phone for about 45 minutes and he was depressed. He said he was ready to get it over with so he could come home, but that he really missed us. I don't blame him..what those guys (when I say that, I'm including women too) were about to go through is pretty rough stuff. Especially the drill sergeants telling the fathers 'don't worry about your kids, Jodi (what the military refers to as the man who steps in when you're not around) is taking care of them and fucking your wife' Yeah, pretty heavy shit. Doesn't sound too bad written out, but those soldiers will tell you, that when you're sleep deprived, privacy deprived and homesick..it gets to you. We ended our phone conversation on a good note, with him laughing, excited and ready to get it all taken care of.

He called me Monday morning for 10 seconds telling me they needed a scanned copy of my drivers license, that they needed it for DEERS. He then called me for another 15 seconds on Tuesday morning to tell me his mailing address. Within that 15 seconds I asked how he was doing and he said 'awesome, i'm enjoying it.' I asked if he had been 'smoked' yet and he said 'oh yeah...we all have'. And that was the end to our phone convo's. I haven't heard from him in a week but have written multiple letters. I miss him like crazy but I'm not letting it get me down, gotta stay positive. He told me in the beginning, 'you can't get depressed because I need you to be strong for me. If you get depressed, I get depressed, and we don't want that!' So I've been staying positive. 29 days til I am able to pick him up from the airport and he is wearing his ACU's...hot stuff. And yes, I've already bought a new outfit for that occasion. :)

On to another topic, I quit my job. HOORAY!!! I'm not going to talk about how awful that place was or how management was all screwed in the head, because lets face it, everyone knows by now. I am so excited to be a stay at home mom again. Tim always jokes that I am allergic to work and that if he can make it work, he'd rather me never have to work another day in my life. I support that decision, lol. I do want to go to school one day to make myself a bit independent..but right now..I am happy to sit at home with my girls watching cartoons in the morning, baking blueberry muffins for breakfast and going for walks and going on playdates. :) I plan on, hopefully soon, buying a double jogging stroller so the girls and I can start going on LOOONG walks and I can get some more excercise. Except the really nice strollers are fairly expensive, at least in my opinion. Hopefully I can get one of those strollers soon though.

Madison has started sleeping in my old twin size bed that is in her room. When you see me say 'her room' what that means is..we are living with my mother, and my bedroom was left the way it was when I moved out back in 2005. What we did when we moved in was, we emptied the closet, since I obviously can't fit into any of that crap anymore, and we put the girls clothes in it. We then assembled Madison's bed in my room. So my old room, is now, her room. Well she started climbing out of the crib and climbing into my twin size bed and started sleeping in it. Right now I have the crib pushed up along side the bed so she can't roll off (the bed is against a wall so it only has one open side). It's working for now, I just need to get one of those bed rails that hooks on under the mattress, so I can FINALLY get rid of the crib. I can't believe Madison will be turning 2 on the 7th of next month. Where does the time go? Really!?

Mackenzie's attitude is finally improving after being home for awhile and not around the kids at her school. For the entire time she was enrolled, she was terrible. Hitting, kicking, spitting, talking back and being disrespectful, and not just at school but at home too. Everyone was getting tired of it quick and despite the discipline, talks and things being taken away..it wasn't getting any better. I think she was just desperate for attention, she has spent her entire life with one on one contact...she gets bored easily and likes to always have something to catch her attention..and I don't think she was getting that while I was working. Mackenzie is spoiled and not the bad kind of spoiled, not spoiled with toys and materialistic things, she is spoiled with attention and interaction. She doesn't want you to throw a toy down infront of her and walk away..she wants you to play with her. She doesn't want you to give her some crayons and paper..she wants you to talk to her while she does. This kid is a full time job :) but it makes for a healthy toddler. It was hard on her being away from Madison also. They weren't able to play with each other, and by the time they got home from school..they were both so tired and grouchy they fought until bed time. It's nice to see them playing together again and laughing.

Well Sarah...how was that for an update? lol

My husband left today..

So Tim left this afternoon for Army basic training at Fort Jackson, South Carolina.

I am at a complete loss for words. I seriously have nothing to say about all of this, and I don't really want too. So for a future disclaimer, if you see me out and about, say walking in HEB, don't ask me 'how are you doing?' because it's highly likely I'll just burst into tears. This has happened already. The tellers at our bank saw me and asked 'Did Tim leave today? How are you doing?' and I almost lost it. I simply said 'Yeah he did, and it's hard.' and I think my eyes getting teary gave them the hint.

It's what I told Tim, I'm not crying because I'm upset that he joined or that I wish he hadn't, because it's not that. I am very VERY proud of my husband for becoming a soldier, especially in war time. I'm upset because for the past 5 years I have had my best friend with me every day and have been able to joke and laugh with him, and now, he's gone. Well not 'gone' gone, but you know what I mean. It's so hard to hear a simple song on the radio that him and I would sing all the words too and not have him in the seat beside me singing along. It's hard that when I came back to pick up the girl's from their Oma's house, that Madison was upset because Daddy didn't come back with me. He's my best friend and I miss him dearly, I want him back home too.

I know that now that he's in the military it's 'one of those things you have to get use too', but saying that is a whole lot easier than doing it. I swear if someone says it to me one more time, I'm going to ask them where they found their fucking 'emotion switch' to turn off. It's not easy, it's not easy to know something in your head and then to put it into actions, when it's not what you're use too. Am I going to eventually get over this? No, I don't think you get over something like this. Am I going to learn how to cope with it, where I don't cry at the drop of a hat? I certainly hope so.

I put on Tim's St.Christopher necklace earlier when I came home from the recruiter's station, after dropping him off. It's a necklace Tim's mother bought for him a few years ago. Tim isn't really big on it, but he wears it when he goes on a trip or has to leave us for a certain amount of time. I had planned on buying him a more sturdy one for him to wear at basic, but I didn't have the money. So I'm wearing it while he is gone. It's weird to me, I'm not Catholic and don't really understand the whole saint thing, but it makes me feel better.

I'm rambling. He comes home in 45 days for two weeks. Yay, another countdown. I can't wait til I can have him home with me again, even if it's only for two weeks.