OPSEC

I am a complete psycho when it comes to certain things and I accept this.

One thing I am very crazy about is my husband's safety, along with the other soldiers in my life. I love these boys, they mean the world to me, I don't want anything to happen to any of them. 

Rules are put into place to keep people safe, they may not make much sense to you, but there may be a bigger picture that you cannot see or understand.

The rule that I am speaking about is OPSEC. 

OPSEC, also known as Operational Security, is the principle that we, as military wives and military family members, should all abide by when talking about our soldiers. If you’ve been on any military related message board on the internet, you have more than likely seen a warning to be sure to practice OPSEC. This means protecting the information you know about your soldier and his unit. Generally this means that you don't give out the following information, exact location overseas, any info on troop movement and always practice caution when uploading photos from a war zone. Certain aspects of a photo can give away our soldier's locations. 

A very simple violation of OPSEC that I have seen countless times is giving out dates for returns and departures.  Never give dates or times for troop movements. Keep in mind that “next Thursday” is a date. This includes R&R dates as well as deployment and redeployment dates. Planes have been delayed for days or weeks because an excited family member made this information public. Training dates are included in OPSEC. 

People sometimes feel that since their soldier isn't on their way to a war zone that they shouldn't feel threatened. There are people here in the United States that wish to do harm to our soldiers/military, their safety here is just as important as it is overseas. Let's do everything to keep them safe wherever they may be.

Things you DO and DON'T say to a military wife..

Things you don't say to the wife of a deployed soldier..


1. “Aren’t you afraid that he’ll be killed?”
(This one ranks in at number one on the “duh” list. Of course we’re afraid. We’re terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of our minds —but thanks brilliant, you just brought it back to the front.)


2. “I don’t know how you manage. I don’t think I could do it.”
(This is intended to be a compliment. Though, its just a little annoying. Here’s why: it’s not like all of us military wives have been dreaming since childhood of the day we’d get to be anxious single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We’re not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.) 


You say "I don't think I could do it."...what does that even mean? what choice do we really have? You do rise to the challenge and you do succeed because you see the bigger picture and at the end of the day what is the other option?-Jennifer


3. “At least he’s not in Afghanistan.” 
What do they think is happening in Iraq? Guys are still fighting the opposition who don't really care that America has decided it's no longer at war. There are still bullets flying, there are still bombs going off, there are still people dying to protect you! Just because America doesn't want to call it a war, doesn't mean there isn't one still going on. Just because the media doesn't advertise it, doesn't mean it's not happening..those soldiers still need your prayers and support -Tara


4. “Do you think he’ll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc?”
(Don’t you watch the news? No! They don’t get to come home for any of these things. Please don’t ask again.)


5. “What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he’s gone?”
(Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there’s a military wife out there who gets bored when her husband leaves, but I have yet to meet her. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don’t get bored.)


6. “How much longer does he have until he can get out?”
(This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren’t counting down the days until they “can” get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back to Iraq or Afganistan b/c there is work that needs to be done.)


7. “This deployment shouldn’t be so bad, now that you’re used to it.”
(Sure, we do learn coping skills and its true the more deployments you’ve gone through, the easier dealing with it becomes. And we figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets “easy” and the bullets and bombs don’t skip over our guys just because they’ve been there before. The worry never goes away.)


I have yet to go through a deployment, so I can't speak for this one, but I do know that a separation from the person you love..never hurts any less. You never get use to falling asleep alone and waking up beside an empty pillow.-Tara


8. “My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you’re going through.”
(This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband’s three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. with a 12-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp white sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account. There is no comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks business trip is like comparing a shitty ford taurus with mercedes convertible.)


9. “Wow you must miss him?”
(Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they’re now divorced.)


10. “Where is he exactly? Where is that?”
(I don’t expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it’s in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr City is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our country and that it is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. Our country has been at war in Afghanistan for seven years and at war in Iraq for five years. These basic facts are not secrets, they’re on the news every night and in the papers every day —and on maps everywhere.)


11. “Well, he signed up for it, so it’s his own fault whatever happens over there.”
(Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn’t sign up and ask to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that “You’re welcome.” He’s still fighting for your freedom.)


12. “Don’t you miss sex! I couldn’t do it!”
(hmmm, no i don’t miss sex. i’m a robot. seriously…military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night. And the hard truth is, most relationships probably couldn’t withstand 12 months of sex deprivation.)


13. “Well in my opinion…..”
(Stop right there. Yo, I didn’t ask for you your personal political opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the grocery store, not in Jamba Juice, not at Nordstrom, not in a restaurant when I’m out with my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours running our asses off doing errands and taking care of the house, dog, and kids, they have an understanding. We do not tell co-workers and colleagues because we are giving an invitation to ramble about politics or because we so eagerly want to hear how much they hate the President, esp. while we’re trying to heat up our lean cuisines in the crappy office microwaves.)


Also, what people never seem to understand is, that you can support our soldiers even if you don't agree with the war. Our soldiers made the decision to join the Army to serve our country, they didn't declare war...some might not even agree with what we are doing over there. But they are there, so you don't have to be over there. They do their job so others are not forced to. If nothing else, people should acknowledge that freedom that our soldiers grant us. So, next time you see a soldier...thank them for their service! -Jennifer


14. “OH, that’s horrible…I’m so sorry!”
(He’s doing his job and he’s tough. Don’t be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our military fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad. We don't want your pity, we want your support.)






So here are some things you CAN and SHOULD say to the spouse of a deployed soldier:


"I'm making ________for dinner tonight. Why don't you and the kids come have dinner with us?" - Don't pretend like everything is normal, but don't ignore us.  Invite us to BBQs, family dinners, ball games and other activities. And don't talk about the war when we're with you. Give us the chance to have a normal afternoon/evening with our family and friends. It's one of the best things you can do for us.


"I'm going to the grocery store/post office/mall can I pick up something for you?" - Running a household and a family by yourself when your partner is gone is hard. Very hard. Sometimes it's just too much effort to get out and run errands. Sometimes we are waiting for a phone call or an Internet chat, sometimes we are just too worn down to face traffic and shopping and normal life. Knowing someone you love is in mortal danger can do that to you.


"I'd like to send a letter/card/package to your spouse. Can I have his/her address?" - Don't forget about our spouses. They are working hard in deplorable conditions and often they do not get the supplies they need. Send letters/cards/photos from home. Send dry socks too, they can never get enough of those.


"I'll take this meeting/cover your shift/let the boss know where you're going" -When we do get that phone call we've been waiting for don't give us grief about taking it in the middle of work. We have no idea when those calls will come in. Sometimes it might be weeks, or even a month or more before we get another one. Cut us some slack and help out a little so we can talk to our spouses for as long as they can talk to us.


"Let's get a cup of coffee" - When you can see that we're edging down Depression Road and haven't gotten off the couch in a few days or have stopped bothering to shower everyday force us to get out and get back into life again. When you're dealing with the stress of knowing a loved one is in danger, and having to be responsible for a family all alone, and living with the reality of being alone after having a partner to lean on for a long time it's easy to just shut down, shut the world out, and retreat into solitude. Don't let us.  Drag us back into the world again even if it's just for a cup of coffee.


"I don't know what you're going through, but I want to help. What do you need?"- Don't compare yourself to us, don't try to sympathize. You don't know what this is like, so don't try to convince us or yourselves that you do. It's ok that you don't know how hard a deployment is. We go through it so you don't have to know what it's like to lose your spouse or loved one and so that your family can be safe. But you don't have to know what it's like to help us. Just ask how you can help. We'll tell you what you can do and what we need.


"Call me anytime you need to talk" - We need people to lean on, and not just between the hours of 9AM and 5 PM.  When a message about an injury or death in a unit goes out, when we hear about a bombing in our soldier's vicinity on the news, when we see the dreaded black sedan coming anywhere near our home, when the burden of carrying all the responsibility of keeping a family and a relationship becomes too much  a sympathetic ear is a lifeline that can keep a spouse sane. At 3 AM when you've been up  for days willing the phone to ring so hard you almost convince yourself you hear it ring and you obsessively check the computer for email or an IM and the dark thoughts of disaster start creeping into your mind having someone to talk to can banish the "what ifs" and help us gain some much needed perspective. 
  
"Thank you" - We don't do this for thanks, the same way our soldiers don't do their jobs for thanks or praise or medals. But even that small acknowledgment of the sacrifices that we make and the enormity of the struggles that we go through keeping things at home running and supporting our soldiers so that they can protect and serve means the world to us.

Pity alert!

PITY ALERT!!

Man, I miss my husband, like really miss him. This feeling is all too familiar and honestly, hasn't been gone that long. I just got him back, while it feels like he was never gone, I know he was..and he JUST got home.

He was gone for thirty five weeks, over eight months, and he only came home eighteen weeks ago. He has been gone six of those eighteen weeks, meaning I've only had my husband for a little over two months.

I can feel myself start to break down and I want to cry, but what good would it do? What good does wallowing in self pity do? It doesn't do any good at all, so I try to push it to the back of my mind and keep on trucking.

I don't want other's pity, I don't want them to feel sorry for me, I don't feel sorry for myself. This is the life we decided to live, and while I want to make the best of this life..it still hurts that my best friend isn't with me.

I miss him, I should miss him. If I didn't miss him, think of how screwy that would be?

Admitting my weaknesses...

Well, I'm finally doing it... I'm getting a math tutor.

Don't make me climb through this computer and beat you down, stop laughing or i'll kill you.

I suck at math..like as in, really suck. Ask me what 6*8 is...yeah..let me get my calculator real quick.

I had been doing amazing on my math assignments, til this week. I have five assignments a week and here it is, Thursday, and I have only been able to complete 1.5. ARGH! So, I'm breaking down and getting a tutor. Hopefully she is able to flip some switches in my brain, help me understand. Then again, I don't expect her to be a magician.

All I have to do is get through this semester and then next semester will be much easier. Next semester i'll be taking English Comp 1, US American History and Algebra. Yeah, I know..another math class. Shoot me. But at least it won't be a fast track class. It also will help that i'll be taking the two other classes, that I love.

Say a prayer for me, that God make me a genius..I'd appreciate it.

January

"Deployment orders for the 1st Cavalry Division's 3rd Brigade were officially announced by the Defense Department. The brigade's soldiers will deploy to Iraq in January. "

Well world, there it is. My husband will be deploying to Iraq come January. All I can hope for is that it is a 12 month deployment rather than an 18 month.