"Osama Bin Laden is dead, bring our troops home now!"

"Osama Bin Laden is dead, bring our troops home now!"

Really? Like really?! The first couple times I saw this statement I thought people were just excited about Osama being dead, and then I realized..people really mean it.

First off, Osama was just ONE man...there are still many like him out there. He was the leader of al-Qaeda, with MANY devoted followers. Do you remember the emotions American's felt after 9/11, when we watched our enemies dance in the street rejoicing the death of our people? How do you think Osama's followers feel with his death being at our hands and our people dancing in the streets rejoicing his death?

They probably feel the exact same thing we felt, 100% rage.

Do you think the wisest decision is to pull our troops out after a massive blow to their moral and their people? Hell no! This war was started to end terror, not end the life of Osama Bin Laden. His life is over, the war on terror is not...especially now. Military installations all over raised their threat level in anticipation and preperation of a back lash from our enemies. They WILL try to attack, the question is just when and where and if they will be successful. The last thing the American people, and military, need to do is to drop their guard and think that we are now safe because ONE man is dead. If anything, we are at a higher risk. Those in the military community know this best, as we fear for the lives of our deployed troops even more and the safety of American's here at home.

People keep asking me if I think this means Tim will be coming home early, and the answer to that question is no. Tim is in Iraq, doing a completely separate job...he wasn't out playing hide n go seek with Osama Bin Laden. Tim is a part of Operation New Dawn. During Operation New Dawn, the remaining 50,000 U.S. troops serving in Iraq will conduct stability operations, focusing on advising, assisting and training Iraqi Security Forces.

Now, I don't want people to read this and finish with the mindset that I am pro-war. What I am for is finishing a job we started, ending terrorism in the Middle East the same way we ended the terrorism in Europe(Holocaust). Until al-Qaeda has been defeated, this war can't be over. If we pull our troops out and come back home, all this does is give al-Qaeda the time to recover and bring the war back to our soil.

"For over two decades, bin Laden has been al Qaeda’s leader and symbol and has continued to plot attacks against our country and our friends and allies. The death of bin Laden marks the most significant achievement to date in our nation’s effort to defeat al Qaeda. His death does not mark the end of our effort. There’s no doubt that al Qaeda will continue to pursue attacks against us. We must and we will remain vigilant at home and abroad. As we do, we must also reaffirm that the United States is not and never will be at war with Islam. I’ve made clear, just as President Bush did shortly after 9/11, that our war is not against Islam. Bin Laden was not a Muslim leader. He was a mass murderer of Muslims. Indeed, al Qaeda slaughtered scores of Muslims in many countries including our own. So his demise should be welcomed by all who believe in peace and human dignity."- Obama


I don't mean to sound as if I am insulting the intelligence of those who want to bring our troops home now that Osama is dead, I just want people to realize and understand that Osama isn't the sole reason we are in the Middle East. We all want our troops home, I miss my husband more than anything in this world...but there is a job that still needs to be done..and after all, that is the point of our military. THIS is what they are trained for.

Sometimes it's the little things that get you through..

Little reminders, they get me through my day.

His toothbrush still sits in the holder where he last put it. I know, kind of weird. I don't expect him to use it when he gets back, that would just be gross, but it is HIS toothbrush still none the less. I find comfort in the fact that something of his still sits beside something of mine. It's a reminder of normalcy, a normalcy that will return eventually.

His body wash is still in the shower. I admit that I even use it from time to time, the smell brings comfort that his dirty shirt is slowly losing. I am able to fall asleep smelling 'him'. I just hope that the people I come into contact with don't get close enough to realize I smell like a man.

His dirty shirt still sits crumpled on the cabinet in the closet. I really should of put it in a bag to keep the smell, it's nearly gone. On a really hard day, it brings comfort as well.

His shoes still line the wall inside our closet, in a perfect row. He never kept his shoes in a perfect row.

Today marks 2 months and 1 day since he left, or 8 weeks and 4 days. I thought today was going to be a good day, I think I was mistaken.

39 Days

39 days have passed since my husband left for Iraq. 

I miss him more than anything..

I think I need a bigger box...

Want to learn a perk about deployments, insert head nod here, you get to fall in love with your spouse all over again.

Really, you do.

Honestly, this deployment hasn't been that horrible. I miss my husband tremendously..I miss him so much that it makes my heart ache. I get that knot in my stomach and I find myself constantly choking back a lump in my throat. I find that I cry at the drop of a hat over anything that reminds me of him. I miss him, but man..I am so proud of him!!

Last week I assembled a list of items I wanted to send in his first care package. The list includes lots of junk food, framed photographs for his desk at work and an assortment of other stuff. This past weekend was spent going out to different stores and buying things that would make my husband laugh and think 'only my wife!'. In those activities, I was able to fall in love with him all over again. I was given the opportunity to show him that I was thinking about him, by putting thought into each item. I can't wait to hear from him when he opens his box. Speaking of which..I think I need a bigger box. As I sit here with all my items beside me..I don't think they'll fit in the box my mother-in-law gave to me. I may need a couple more!!

What a fun thing to be able to do for him, in fact, I plan on doing a box each pay period! I want each box to feel like a bit of home. The miles may separate us, but they most definitely can't keep us apart.

They are gone

As of today, the men are gone.

They have packed their bags, they have boarded the planes..they have flown to far away countries. As couples we exchanged hugs, kisses, last minute embraces and then said our goodbyes til the next time we would meet.

As friends, we laughed, joked, tried to act like this wasn't really happening. Tried to hold on to a sense of normalcy for as long as we could. Then the time came, tears began to flow..and goodbyes took place. Today, this deployment feels as real as it ever has.

For the past two weeks my husband has been gone, but it hasn't felt as though he was sent off across the world. Sure, we've been dealing with crazy time changes, phone calls at 1 am, but I had it in my head he was only out in the field. After all, with our best friends still home..it certainly felt that way.

Now, my husband is gone..my best friends are gone and this deployment is real. They aren't just being sent off for another training session, they aren't just 'playing' war.

I miss my husband, I miss my friends..I want this nightmare to be over.

One way ticket to the nut house

I feel like this deployment is basically going to give me a one way ticket to the nut house.

I feel like i'm losing it.

My whole goal on Friday for cleaning the house is so I wouldn't come home and be haunted by little reminders of my husband, laying around the house. How silly of me.

I have built a life with that man, a home. Every single thing around me reminds me of him. I went to look in the pantry for a snack and saw a can of tuna that he bought, I had to choke back tears. TEARS!! OVER TUNA!!

I decided maybe food wasn't such a great idea, coffee sounded better. Oh crap, coffee. My husband is the person who got me into drinking coffee, he is also the one who bought the hazelnut coffee because he knows it's  my favorite smell. Shit, shit shit shit. Every single aspect of my life revolves around a man who I love so deeply that I can't go a single minute thinking about him, missing him.

Tonight is my first night alone in our house. I think i'll turn in early tonight.

1 day down, 364 to go..

My husband left yesterday for his deployment to Iraq.

Yesterday was filled with tears, lots of tears. I washed all of his dirty clothes and put them away. I picked up everything he had left laying out during the chaos. I packed a bag, loaded up the girls and our dog and got in the car. I knew where I was going, just hadn't really planned it all out.

Today, we pick up the pieces and move forward. This weekend is a weekend away from home, away from routine that normally includes daddy. When we return home tomorrow, we will pick up a routine we had left off not even half a year ago.

Today, I am able to say that I am actually doing okay. It is going to be a hard year, but a very rewarding one as well. We are being blessed with an opportunity, we plan to take full advantage of. God has a plan and we are trusting in him.

Single digits.

My countdown reached single digits this week.  I look at a calendar and the knot in my stomach squeezes a bit tighter and the lump in my throat returns. How the hell am I going to do this?

I know how I'm going to do this, i'll just push through the pain, all of the tears and remember that it's only temporary.  This whole thing is only temporary and one day he'll be home and we'll be complete again.

Others have done this before, I can do this too.

It's a topic that is hard to discuss with others who haven't experienced this before or who won't be experiencing it. Until you go through the emotions yourself, you don't understand.

It doesn't matter if your husband lived in a separate town for so many weeks/months. I don't care that your boyfriend went on a camping trip that lasted a week. Until you go through not knowing how long he'll be gone, whether or not he'll come back..or when the next time you'll hear his voice or feel the warmth of his skin..you can't understand.

I am having to emotionally ready myself for the tears and pleading that will come from my daughters to have their daddy back. I'll have to endure hearing them say that they don't want me, they want their daddy. I'll have to keep my calm composure in front of them and not cry, when everything in me is wanting to break down and sob like a baby, because all I want is to have him back too.

I know I can do this, I HAVE to do this.

My next entry will probably come soon after he leaves, in the mean time..I'm off to make memories to last me through a deployment.

If time would only slow just a little..

My husband deploys next month.

There really isn't much else to say, other than a four letter word.

This day has been coming since he swore in, but who knew it'd come so quickly.

I'm proud of my husband.

I'm terrified about what could happen.

I'm nervous about what the future holds.

I'm sad for my children, what they'll miss..what he'll miss..

I'm a complete wreck.

Pray for me, pray for us, pray for him.

Things you DO and DON'T say to a military wife..

Things you don't say to the wife of a deployed soldier..


1. “Aren’t you afraid that he’ll be killed?”
(This one ranks in at number one on the “duh” list. Of course we’re afraid. We’re terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of our minds —but thanks brilliant, you just brought it back to the front.)


2. “I don’t know how you manage. I don’t think I could do it.”
(This is intended to be a compliment. Though, its just a little annoying. Here’s why: it’s not like all of us military wives have been dreaming since childhood of the day we’d get to be anxious single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We’re not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.) 


You say "I don't think I could do it."...what does that even mean? what choice do we really have? You do rise to the challenge and you do succeed because you see the bigger picture and at the end of the day what is the other option?-Jennifer


3. “At least he’s not in Afghanistan.” 
What do they think is happening in Iraq? Guys are still fighting the opposition who don't really care that America has decided it's no longer at war. There are still bullets flying, there are still bombs going off, there are still people dying to protect you! Just because America doesn't want to call it a war, doesn't mean there isn't one still going on. Just because the media doesn't advertise it, doesn't mean it's not happening..those soldiers still need your prayers and support -Tara


4. “Do you think he’ll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc?”
(Don’t you watch the news? No! They don’t get to come home for any of these things. Please don’t ask again.)


5. “What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he’s gone?”
(Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there’s a military wife out there who gets bored when her husband leaves, but I have yet to meet her. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don’t get bored.)


6. “How much longer does he have until he can get out?”
(This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren’t counting down the days until they “can” get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back to Iraq or Afganistan b/c there is work that needs to be done.)


7. “This deployment shouldn’t be so bad, now that you’re used to it.”
(Sure, we do learn coping skills and its true the more deployments you’ve gone through, the easier dealing with it becomes. And we figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets “easy” and the bullets and bombs don’t skip over our guys just because they’ve been there before. The worry never goes away.)


I have yet to go through a deployment, so I can't speak for this one, but I do know that a separation from the person you love..never hurts any less. You never get use to falling asleep alone and waking up beside an empty pillow.-Tara


8. “My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you’re going through.”
(This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband’s three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. with a 12-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp white sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account. There is no comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks business trip is like comparing a shitty ford taurus with mercedes convertible.)


9. “Wow you must miss him?”
(Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they’re now divorced.)


10. “Where is he exactly? Where is that?”
(I don’t expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it’s in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr City is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our country and that it is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. Our country has been at war in Afghanistan for seven years and at war in Iraq for five years. These basic facts are not secrets, they’re on the news every night and in the papers every day —and on maps everywhere.)


11. “Well, he signed up for it, so it’s his own fault whatever happens over there.”
(Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn’t sign up and ask to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that “You’re welcome.” He’s still fighting for your freedom.)


12. “Don’t you miss sex! I couldn’t do it!”
(hmmm, no i don’t miss sex. i’m a robot. seriously…military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night. And the hard truth is, most relationships probably couldn’t withstand 12 months of sex deprivation.)


13. “Well in my opinion…..”
(Stop right there. Yo, I didn’t ask for you your personal political opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the grocery store, not in Jamba Juice, not at Nordstrom, not in a restaurant when I’m out with my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours running our asses off doing errands and taking care of the house, dog, and kids, they have an understanding. We do not tell co-workers and colleagues because we are giving an invitation to ramble about politics or because we so eagerly want to hear how much they hate the President, esp. while we’re trying to heat up our lean cuisines in the crappy office microwaves.)


Also, what people never seem to understand is, that you can support our soldiers even if you don't agree with the war. Our soldiers made the decision to join the Army to serve our country, they didn't declare war...some might not even agree with what we are doing over there. But they are there, so you don't have to be over there. They do their job so others are not forced to. If nothing else, people should acknowledge that freedom that our soldiers grant us. So, next time you see a soldier...thank them for their service! -Jennifer


14. “OH, that’s horrible…I’m so sorry!”
(He’s doing his job and he’s tough. Don’t be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our military fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad. We don't want your pity, we want your support.)






So here are some things you CAN and SHOULD say to the spouse of a deployed soldier:


"I'm making ________for dinner tonight. Why don't you and the kids come have dinner with us?" - Don't pretend like everything is normal, but don't ignore us.  Invite us to BBQs, family dinners, ball games and other activities. And don't talk about the war when we're with you. Give us the chance to have a normal afternoon/evening with our family and friends. It's one of the best things you can do for us.


"I'm going to the grocery store/post office/mall can I pick up something for you?" - Running a household and a family by yourself when your partner is gone is hard. Very hard. Sometimes it's just too much effort to get out and run errands. Sometimes we are waiting for a phone call or an Internet chat, sometimes we are just too worn down to face traffic and shopping and normal life. Knowing someone you love is in mortal danger can do that to you.


"I'd like to send a letter/card/package to your spouse. Can I have his/her address?" - Don't forget about our spouses. They are working hard in deplorable conditions and often they do not get the supplies they need. Send letters/cards/photos from home. Send dry socks too, they can never get enough of those.


"I'll take this meeting/cover your shift/let the boss know where you're going" -When we do get that phone call we've been waiting for don't give us grief about taking it in the middle of work. We have no idea when those calls will come in. Sometimes it might be weeks, or even a month or more before we get another one. Cut us some slack and help out a little so we can talk to our spouses for as long as they can talk to us.


"Let's get a cup of coffee" - When you can see that we're edging down Depression Road and haven't gotten off the couch in a few days or have stopped bothering to shower everyday force us to get out and get back into life again. When you're dealing with the stress of knowing a loved one is in danger, and having to be responsible for a family all alone, and living with the reality of being alone after having a partner to lean on for a long time it's easy to just shut down, shut the world out, and retreat into solitude. Don't let us.  Drag us back into the world again even if it's just for a cup of coffee.


"I don't know what you're going through, but I want to help. What do you need?"- Don't compare yourself to us, don't try to sympathize. You don't know what this is like, so don't try to convince us or yourselves that you do. It's ok that you don't know how hard a deployment is. We go through it so you don't have to know what it's like to lose your spouse or loved one and so that your family can be safe. But you don't have to know what it's like to help us. Just ask how you can help. We'll tell you what you can do and what we need.


"Call me anytime you need to talk" - We need people to lean on, and not just between the hours of 9AM and 5 PM.  When a message about an injury or death in a unit goes out, when we hear about a bombing in our soldier's vicinity on the news, when we see the dreaded black sedan coming anywhere near our home, when the burden of carrying all the responsibility of keeping a family and a relationship becomes too much  a sympathetic ear is a lifeline that can keep a spouse sane. At 3 AM when you've been up  for days willing the phone to ring so hard you almost convince yourself you hear it ring and you obsessively check the computer for email or an IM and the dark thoughts of disaster start creeping into your mind having someone to talk to can banish the "what ifs" and help us gain some much needed perspective. 
  
"Thank you" - We don't do this for thanks, the same way our soldiers don't do their jobs for thanks or praise or medals. But even that small acknowledgment of the sacrifices that we make and the enormity of the struggles that we go through keeping things at home running and supporting our soldiers so that they can protect and serve means the world to us.

January

"Deployment orders for the 1st Cavalry Division's 3rd Brigade were officially announced by the Defense Department. The brigade's soldiers will deploy to Iraq in January. "

Well world, there it is. My husband will be deploying to Iraq come January. All I can hope for is that it is a 12 month deployment rather than an 18 month. 

Let's stay busy!

For the next month, I plan on staying busy, well as busy as I can.

Tim leaves the end of this week for NTC, which for you non-military folk, stands for National Training Center. It is at Fort Irwin in California and without going into detail..it is basically where the Army sends their soldiers to train and prepare before deployment. Tim will be gone at NTC for a month and hopefully will be home sometime before Thanksgiving.

The Army sure likes to prepare wives for the long separations that come with deployments, NTC is another prep course for me. Less than a year ago Tim left for BCT and AIT, and 8+ months later he came home. We have spent the last 4 months, well less actually, enjoying over night fire guards, field trainings and long days with the Army. They really care about me, really want me to be trained for this. ;)

Tim is getting ready to leave for the next month and then will be home for about two months before he deploys. Yesterday was spent folding, organizing and packing Tim's gear. Tonight we are going to sit down and explain to the girls that he is having to leave again for a little bit, I pray Mackenzie doesn't cry.

Speaking of Mackenzie and this deployment, she is in a deployment support group at her school. They meet every Tuesday morning. This is why I am so thankful for us being able to live on-post and her to be able to attend an elementary on post, the support is amazing. In this group they are able to talk about their feelings, and they do projects that they send to their deployed parent. I'm sure once he is actually overseas, that this will be a big help for Mackenzie, to help her transition.

I'm not sure what the point of this entry is, besides talking about deployment..I guess just a way to keep my mind occupied. I'm not sad, not yet at least. I know this is his job and what he signed up for, it's what I signed up for too. I'm not sad yet, but be prepared for the entry the day he leaves in January. I'm sure it will be full of raw emotion.

Anyway, back to NTC, he leaves later this week. So far the week isn't rushing ahead of us and I'm thankful. I know when he comes back..the next time he leaves he'll be leaving for overseas. I hope the next month goes slowly, that it takes its time.

I'm having a bad week.

((I'm having a bad week, I don't like to be negative on the internet but I'm hoping a vent will make me less moody.)

The boys are in the field this week, lame.

I'm getting a nice little preview of long days without having a husband coming home at the end of them. This is going to suck. I cleaned upstairs yesterday and probably spent 3/4 of the time depressed because Pandora kept playing the saddest songs ever.

Speaking of the music world hating me yesterday, while making dinner and rocking out to the 90s channel on the TV...Aerosmith's 'Don't wanna miss a thing' came on.



Really? Eff you stupid Aerosmith. So I turned off the TV and turned on Pandora on my phone where the song 'Come Home Soon' by Shedaisy was playing.



Screw me, seriously!?

I ended up cooking to the sound of my kids running around upstairs.

I have decided that school full time sounds like a good idea while he is deployed...summer classes too probably. Anything to keep me busy. This is going to be hell.

I keep putting this off

I keep putting off writing this blog update, because I'm lazy.

Everything is FINALLY unpacked in our house and it feels like home. The only thing we have left to do is put up curtains in our bedroom and our living room. To me, a home doesn't feel like a home until those generic white blinds are covered, plus it adds life and color to a room. Madison's room is complete and all that is left for Mackenzie's room is her letters over her bed. Tim went out and bought a new tv for the living room, it's huge. It's a 50 inch flat screen LED-LCD and I love it. Next month I'm going to buy a new washer and dryer, a lawn mower and weed-eater, that's all we lack for the house.

Our life up here is a nice one. Our street is quiet and we don't have nosy neighbors or anyone who speeds down the roads or plays their music loud. If you walk outside after 9pm, it's silent. It's nice that all of the neighbors have kids so they understand and aren't loud or obnoxious around bedtime.

Today was Mackenzie's first day of school, I'm anxious to pick her up at 3:15 and ask her how it was. The school is half a mile from our house so I'm able to walk her to and from it every day. Kindergarten and Pre-K have their own hallway and entrance so they don't have to mingle with the big kids, which I like. This morning there was someone waiting at the door and the parents told their children goodbye and the staff would personally escort each child to their classroom. Mackenzie told us bye and gave us kisses and ran through the doors, she was so excited. I saw a few moms crying, but I'm definitely not that type. I can't feel upset or sad when she is so excited and eager to go.

Speaking of school, I'm officially a college student, again. I dropped out of college back in 2005 when I was pregnant with Mackenzie and I'm finally going back. I am taking online classes through Temple College, working on my associates. They always told us back in H.S, just go to college and you'll figure out what you want to do when you're there. Well, I hate taking classes if I won't need them so I have waited til I knew what I wanted to do. I've decided I'm interested in being a History teacher, so that's what I'm pursuing. I'll be able to have my summer and winter breaks with my children and won't have to work 12 months a year, my kinda job! Plus, I love History. My game plan is to take three classes a semester and two classes in the summer, in the beginning and then eventually go to four classes a semester. This will have me out of school with my Bachelor's when Tim is leaving the Army. I'll be able to have my job while he finishes his degree in Intelligence Operations (he already has 3/4 of it) and then we will both have our careers.

Everyone told us we did this backwards, having children, getting married and then school. To me, we did this the best way. When I'm forty, I'll have my degree and my job, but i'll be able to relax while my two girls (20 & 18) are in college! The ones who did it the 'right' way will be 40 with their careers and college educations with children still living under their roofs! See...I did it the right way, I'll be sipping margaritas on the beach ;)  ::this is how I justify it, haha, totally kidding of course!!::


On a different note, Tim is deploying. We don't know specific dates but it will be after Christmas but before the end of February. He has a two week field training coming up and then he'll be gone for a month starting at the end of October. We know where he will be going but we don't know how long he'll be gone for. Could be 6 months,12 months or 18 months..we're hoping for 6 months, but expecting 18.  With the Military, you hope for the best but prepare for the worst. I'm thankful he'll be here for Christmas but bummed that he'll be gone for our 5 year wedding anniversary. Every five years we plan on renewing our vows in some weird way. Five years was suppose to be married by Elvis in Vegas..guess we'll put that off til our 6 year ;) Such is life in the Army.

Well I know there is more to write about..but frankly, i'm too tired to keep writing..so The End.

Oh, an update on Duke. He is now 9 weeks old. He rarely has accidents in the house and his bark sounds more like a cat meowing than any type of noise that should come out of a dog..we love him.

Deployment is in our future..

So, Tim found out his deployment dates.

I can't give specific details because of OPSEC, but..it stinks.

Let's just say that when the time comes that my husband will have been in for 2 years and 8 months..he will have been home with us for only FOUR of those months.

Trust me, my math isn't off..the schedule just sucks THAT badly.

I need a drink, something strong.

236

It has been 236 days since I dropped my husband off at the recruiting station in Georgetown and drove away with a heavy stream of black mascara and eye liner running down my face. My lovely husband had bought me new makeup and failed to buy waterproof but I still wore it, even though I knew what would be the end result. 

I can't believe that by the time this is over..he will have been gone over 8 months. I look back and honestly..it flew by. I can only hope and pray that I get the same fast results with a deployment as I have with training. Honestly..we are ONLY 4 months short of a deployment. The major difference between the two is that during a 12 month deployment he'd only be home for 2 weeks for RR, unlike our multiple visits during training. So yes, I realize that they are nothing the same..nor is the stress that comes along with the two. But time wise...wow, it's flown by.

I'm eager to have my husband home and get our family back to functioning as a complete set, rather than a family separated. I have heard stories and have experienced it a bit myself, how different it will be at first. It may be hard but then again it may not, we'll just have to play it out and see. I've gotten use to flying solo while he's gotten use to not having to worry about the little things..like leaving a pen laying on the desk..or leaving the toilet seat up. ;)

I'm excited for us to finally move to Ft Hood, to finally live in our own place again. I'm ready to function as a family of four and be able to go to the pool on the weekends or to the movies, I'm ready for the family activities. It's the little things you don't notice until they are taken away..the simple things. I'm ready to be able to wake up next to my husband and have our girls crawl into bed with us like they use to do on the weekends. I'm ready to be able to sleep through the night, without having to roll over at 2am to make sure I haven't missed a phone call or text. I'm excited that one of the first things we will be doing when he comes home, is going to Sea World with the girls. Sea World allows military families a free one day pass every year, and we can't wait to use ours!

I know deployments are looming in our very near future, we expect him to be deployed before February, but I am trying to not think about that just yet. I want to be able to relax and enjoy the time I have with my husband, before he has to leave again. I want to make as many memories with him and our girls, as we can before he has to leave again. Those memories are what you cling on to, because you know that the loneliness won't always be there.  I know that God has a plan and I'm trying to trust completely on that. 

Tomorrow will be 11 days and a wakeup til Tim graduates and we drive back to Texas. I'm ready!