If time would only slow just a little..

My husband deploys next month.

There really isn't much else to say, other than a four letter word.

This day has been coming since he swore in, but who knew it'd come so quickly.

I'm proud of my husband.

I'm terrified about what could happen.

I'm nervous about what the future holds.

I'm sad for my children, what they'll miss..what he'll miss..

I'm a complete wreck.

Pray for me, pray for us, pray for him.

Feeling a little hip..

Life has been crazy these past few weeks.

On November 13th, my mother fell while working at the UT game and broke her hip. To answer your next question, the number is zero. She fell down zero stairs! There weren't any stairs involved, she tripped over a sewage drain in the middle of a walkway in a dark tunnel. Yeah, recipe for disaster if you ask me and UT must agree, two days later said sewage drain was no longer there. She underwent hip replacement surgery and was moved to a rehab clinic. Thankfully she was able to come home the day before Thanksgiving and has been at home recovering since.

On December 3rd-5th, Tim and I attended a marriage retreat that the Army put together. It took place at Lake Way Resort and Spa out on Lake Travis, and it was beautiful!! Not only was the location great, the food amazing, the company awesome..but the course was wonderful too. We left with a deeper understanding of each other, hard to imagine seeing as we've been together 6 years, and with a new way of communicating. It was amazing, I hope after this deployment we'll be able to attend another.

OPSEC

I am a complete psycho when it comes to certain things and I accept this.

One thing I am very crazy about is my husband's safety, along with the other soldiers in my life. I love these boys, they mean the world to me, I don't want anything to happen to any of them. 

Rules are put into place to keep people safe, they may not make much sense to you, but there may be a bigger picture that you cannot see or understand.

The rule that I am speaking about is OPSEC. 

OPSEC, also known as Operational Security, is the principle that we, as military wives and military family members, should all abide by when talking about our soldiers. If you’ve been on any military related message board on the internet, you have more than likely seen a warning to be sure to practice OPSEC. This means protecting the information you know about your soldier and his unit. Generally this means that you don't give out the following information, exact location overseas, any info on troop movement and always practice caution when uploading photos from a war zone. Certain aspects of a photo can give away our soldier's locations. 

A very simple violation of OPSEC that I have seen countless times is giving out dates for returns and departures.  Never give dates or times for troop movements. Keep in mind that “next Thursday” is a date. This includes R&R dates as well as deployment and redeployment dates. Planes have been delayed for days or weeks because an excited family member made this information public. Training dates are included in OPSEC. 

People sometimes feel that since their soldier isn't on their way to a war zone that they shouldn't feel threatened. There are people here in the United States that wish to do harm to our soldiers/military, their safety here is just as important as it is overseas. Let's do everything to keep them safe wherever they may be.

Things you DO and DON'T say to a military wife..

Things you don't say to the wife of a deployed soldier..


1. “Aren’t you afraid that he’ll be killed?”
(This one ranks in at number one on the “duh” list. Of course we’re afraid. We’re terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of our minds —but thanks brilliant, you just brought it back to the front.)


2. “I don’t know how you manage. I don’t think I could do it.”
(This is intended to be a compliment. Though, its just a little annoying. Here’s why: it’s not like all of us military wives have been dreaming since childhood of the day we’d get to be anxious single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We’re not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.) 


You say "I don't think I could do it."...what does that even mean? what choice do we really have? You do rise to the challenge and you do succeed because you see the bigger picture and at the end of the day what is the other option?-Jennifer


3. “At least he’s not in Afghanistan.” 
What do they think is happening in Iraq? Guys are still fighting the opposition who don't really care that America has decided it's no longer at war. There are still bullets flying, there are still bombs going off, there are still people dying to protect you! Just because America doesn't want to call it a war, doesn't mean there isn't one still going on. Just because the media doesn't advertise it, doesn't mean it's not happening..those soldiers still need your prayers and support -Tara


4. “Do you think he’ll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc?”
(Don’t you watch the news? No! They don’t get to come home for any of these things. Please don’t ask again.)


5. “What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he’s gone?”
(Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there’s a military wife out there who gets bored when her husband leaves, but I have yet to meet her. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don’t get bored.)


6. “How much longer does he have until he can get out?”
(This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren’t counting down the days until they “can” get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back to Iraq or Afganistan b/c there is work that needs to be done.)


7. “This deployment shouldn’t be so bad, now that you’re used to it.”
(Sure, we do learn coping skills and its true the more deployments you’ve gone through, the easier dealing with it becomes. And we figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets “easy” and the bullets and bombs don’t skip over our guys just because they’ve been there before. The worry never goes away.)


I have yet to go through a deployment, so I can't speak for this one, but I do know that a separation from the person you love..never hurts any less. You never get use to falling asleep alone and waking up beside an empty pillow.-Tara


8. “My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you’re going through.”
(This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband’s three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. with a 12-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp white sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account. There is no comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks business trip is like comparing a shitty ford taurus with mercedes convertible.)


9. “Wow you must miss him?”
(Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they’re now divorced.)


10. “Where is he exactly? Where is that?”
(I don’t expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it’s in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr City is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our country and that it is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. Our country has been at war in Afghanistan for seven years and at war in Iraq for five years. These basic facts are not secrets, they’re on the news every night and in the papers every day —and on maps everywhere.)


11. “Well, he signed up for it, so it’s his own fault whatever happens over there.”
(Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn’t sign up and ask to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that “You’re welcome.” He’s still fighting for your freedom.)


12. “Don’t you miss sex! I couldn’t do it!”
(hmmm, no i don’t miss sex. i’m a robot. seriously…military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night. And the hard truth is, most relationships probably couldn’t withstand 12 months of sex deprivation.)


13. “Well in my opinion…..”
(Stop right there. Yo, I didn’t ask for you your personal political opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the grocery store, not in Jamba Juice, not at Nordstrom, not in a restaurant when I’m out with my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours running our asses off doing errands and taking care of the house, dog, and kids, they have an understanding. We do not tell co-workers and colleagues because we are giving an invitation to ramble about politics or because we so eagerly want to hear how much they hate the President, esp. while we’re trying to heat up our lean cuisines in the crappy office microwaves.)


Also, what people never seem to understand is, that you can support our soldiers even if you don't agree with the war. Our soldiers made the decision to join the Army to serve our country, they didn't declare war...some might not even agree with what we are doing over there. But they are there, so you don't have to be over there. They do their job so others are not forced to. If nothing else, people should acknowledge that freedom that our soldiers grant us. So, next time you see a soldier...thank them for their service! -Jennifer


14. “OH, that’s horrible…I’m so sorry!”
(He’s doing his job and he’s tough. Don’t be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our military fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad. We don't want your pity, we want your support.)






So here are some things you CAN and SHOULD say to the spouse of a deployed soldier:


"I'm making ________for dinner tonight. Why don't you and the kids come have dinner with us?" - Don't pretend like everything is normal, but don't ignore us.  Invite us to BBQs, family dinners, ball games and other activities. And don't talk about the war when we're with you. Give us the chance to have a normal afternoon/evening with our family and friends. It's one of the best things you can do for us.


"I'm going to the grocery store/post office/mall can I pick up something for you?" - Running a household and a family by yourself when your partner is gone is hard. Very hard. Sometimes it's just too much effort to get out and run errands. Sometimes we are waiting for a phone call or an Internet chat, sometimes we are just too worn down to face traffic and shopping and normal life. Knowing someone you love is in mortal danger can do that to you.


"I'd like to send a letter/card/package to your spouse. Can I have his/her address?" - Don't forget about our spouses. They are working hard in deplorable conditions and often they do not get the supplies they need. Send letters/cards/photos from home. Send dry socks too, they can never get enough of those.


"I'll take this meeting/cover your shift/let the boss know where you're going" -When we do get that phone call we've been waiting for don't give us grief about taking it in the middle of work. We have no idea when those calls will come in. Sometimes it might be weeks, or even a month or more before we get another one. Cut us some slack and help out a little so we can talk to our spouses for as long as they can talk to us.


"Let's get a cup of coffee" - When you can see that we're edging down Depression Road and haven't gotten off the couch in a few days or have stopped bothering to shower everyday force us to get out and get back into life again. When you're dealing with the stress of knowing a loved one is in danger, and having to be responsible for a family all alone, and living with the reality of being alone after having a partner to lean on for a long time it's easy to just shut down, shut the world out, and retreat into solitude. Don't let us.  Drag us back into the world again even if it's just for a cup of coffee.


"I don't know what you're going through, but I want to help. What do you need?"- Don't compare yourself to us, don't try to sympathize. You don't know what this is like, so don't try to convince us or yourselves that you do. It's ok that you don't know how hard a deployment is. We go through it so you don't have to know what it's like to lose your spouse or loved one and so that your family can be safe. But you don't have to know what it's like to help us. Just ask how you can help. We'll tell you what you can do and what we need.


"Call me anytime you need to talk" - We need people to lean on, and not just between the hours of 9AM and 5 PM.  When a message about an injury or death in a unit goes out, when we hear about a bombing in our soldier's vicinity on the news, when we see the dreaded black sedan coming anywhere near our home, when the burden of carrying all the responsibility of keeping a family and a relationship becomes too much  a sympathetic ear is a lifeline that can keep a spouse sane. At 3 AM when you've been up  for days willing the phone to ring so hard you almost convince yourself you hear it ring and you obsessively check the computer for email or an IM and the dark thoughts of disaster start creeping into your mind having someone to talk to can banish the "what ifs" and help us gain some much needed perspective. 
  
"Thank you" - We don't do this for thanks, the same way our soldiers don't do their jobs for thanks or praise or medals. But even that small acknowledgment of the sacrifices that we make and the enormity of the struggles that we go through keeping things at home running and supporting our soldiers so that they can protect and serve means the world to us.

Pity alert!

PITY ALERT!!

Man, I miss my husband, like really miss him. This feeling is all too familiar and honestly, hasn't been gone that long. I just got him back, while it feels like he was never gone, I know he was..and he JUST got home.

He was gone for thirty five weeks, over eight months, and he only came home eighteen weeks ago. He has been gone six of those eighteen weeks, meaning I've only had my husband for a little over two months.

I can feel myself start to break down and I want to cry, but what good would it do? What good does wallowing in self pity do? It doesn't do any good at all, so I try to push it to the back of my mind and keep on trucking.

I don't want other's pity, I don't want them to feel sorry for me, I don't feel sorry for myself. This is the life we decided to live, and while I want to make the best of this life..it still hurts that my best friend isn't with me.

I miss him, I should miss him. If I didn't miss him, think of how screwy that would be?

Admitting my weaknesses...

Well, I'm finally doing it... I'm getting a math tutor.

Don't make me climb through this computer and beat you down, stop laughing or i'll kill you.

I suck at math..like as in, really suck. Ask me what 6*8 is...yeah..let me get my calculator real quick.

I had been doing amazing on my math assignments, til this week. I have five assignments a week and here it is, Thursday, and I have only been able to complete 1.5. ARGH! So, I'm breaking down and getting a tutor. Hopefully she is able to flip some switches in my brain, help me understand. Then again, I don't expect her to be a magician.

All I have to do is get through this semester and then next semester will be much easier. Next semester i'll be taking English Comp 1, US American History and Algebra. Yeah, I know..another math class. Shoot me. But at least it won't be a fast track class. It also will help that i'll be taking the two other classes, that I love.

Say a prayer for me, that God make me a genius..I'd appreciate it.

January

"Deployment orders for the 1st Cavalry Division's 3rd Brigade were officially announced by the Defense Department. The brigade's soldiers will deploy to Iraq in January. "

Well world, there it is. My husband will be deploying to Iraq come January. All I can hope for is that it is a 12 month deployment rather than an 18 month. 

The boy who keeps me company when my husband is away..

Duke, yeah he's grown since I last posted about him. He's officially 30 lbs of 4 month old German Shepherd.  He is the man who keeps me company while Tim is away. He greets me in the morning, snoozes at my feet while I work on my homework and lays behind me in the kitchen while I cook and wash dishes once the kids are in bed. Duke and I, we're gonna have one heck of a strong bond by this time next year.

I love this puppy, he's stinking adorable.

Let's stay busy!

For the next month, I plan on staying busy, well as busy as I can.

Tim leaves the end of this week for NTC, which for you non-military folk, stands for National Training Center. It is at Fort Irwin in California and without going into detail..it is basically where the Army sends their soldiers to train and prepare before deployment. Tim will be gone at NTC for a month and hopefully will be home sometime before Thanksgiving.

The Army sure likes to prepare wives for the long separations that come with deployments, NTC is another prep course for me. Less than a year ago Tim left for BCT and AIT, and 8+ months later he came home. We have spent the last 4 months, well less actually, enjoying over night fire guards, field trainings and long days with the Army. They really care about me, really want me to be trained for this. ;)

Tim is getting ready to leave for the next month and then will be home for about two months before he deploys. Yesterday was spent folding, organizing and packing Tim's gear. Tonight we are going to sit down and explain to the girls that he is having to leave again for a little bit, I pray Mackenzie doesn't cry.

Speaking of Mackenzie and this deployment, she is in a deployment support group at her school. They meet every Tuesday morning. This is why I am so thankful for us being able to live on-post and her to be able to attend an elementary on post, the support is amazing. In this group they are able to talk about their feelings, and they do projects that they send to their deployed parent. I'm sure once he is actually overseas, that this will be a big help for Mackenzie, to help her transition.

I'm not sure what the point of this entry is, besides talking about deployment..I guess just a way to keep my mind occupied. I'm not sad, not yet at least. I know this is his job and what he signed up for, it's what I signed up for too. I'm not sad yet, but be prepared for the entry the day he leaves in January. I'm sure it will be full of raw emotion.

Anyway, back to NTC, he leaves later this week. So far the week isn't rushing ahead of us and I'm thankful. I know when he comes back..the next time he leaves he'll be leaving for overseas. I hope the next month goes slowly, that it takes its time.

Toddler potties aren't just for toddlers..

Why are some kids so stinking mean?

This morning when walking Mackenzie to school, we passed a girl in Mackenzie's class who yelled out to her 'Hi Mackenzie!'. Mackenzie turned, waved and while smiling said 'Hi ::name::' and we kept walking to school. Once at school, Mackenzie and I were waiting for them to open the doors so she could go inside when Mackenzie looked over at the friend she had just waved to earlier and said 'Hi ::name::, can we come sit with you?', to which the little girl as snotty as she could be replied with, 'you're not my friend, don't sit with me'.

Mackenzie got this look of confusion on her face and her smile vanished. She looked at me and just hugged me and said 'I love you, mom, thanks for being my friend'. While my heart was melted with what she just said, I felt so much hurt for her.

I understand I'll be facing many more years of these situations, after all, I do have two girls, but I don't understand why kids have to act that way. I don't get why they need to be so rude. Is it bad parenting where the parents just don't teach manners and respect or is it mainly age. I know age plays a huge role seeing as this girl was only 4 or 5, but still, even at that age I know Mackenzie would never say anything like that. I hope I'm able to raise my girls with manners and to show respect to everyone they meet, regardless of that persons age. It also makes me wonder how many people I've mistreated over the years. I wish I could go back and apologize to every one of them.

Now that I was able to vent and get that off my chest, I can stop being so darn emotional.

My last update was while the boys were in the field, they have been home for awhile now...hence the no update.  They are once again preparing to leave, this time for NTC which is training that lasts for a month out in California. Some of the guys are leaving this week and some are leaving next week. My husband will be leaving next week. I am hoping that he will be home in time for Thanksgiving, but I know better than to get my hopes up for anything in the military. My life has become one of countdowns..without an exact date to count down too. Hopefully the month he is gone flies by, I want him home..even though that I know after he comes home..the next time he leaves will be for his deployment. I can't believe my husband is deploying. The closer it gets the harder it is to wrap my head around. He'll be gone..for 12-18 months of our daughters lives, of our marriage. When you really think about it, it's so hard to imagine.

We went camping this past weekend out at Lake Buchanan. I haven't been camping in many years and it was nice to finally get back out there and to do it. We went with Tim's family (his mother,father,sister and her boyfriend). It was the girls first time to go camping so we were curious how it would go, amazingly it went really well despite the girls being tired from not taking a nap during the day. We found out that Mackenzie is an awesome fisher, she can cast a line better than I can. Duke found out why it's not a good idea to sniff a cactus after he was blessed with 15-20 needles in his nose. Michelle's boyfriend, Travis, had to use his pliers and have two of us restrain Duke so he could pull them out one by one, poor pup. Tim found out that no matter how many times you wrap a bag of chips with duck tape, that a hungry raccoon can still tear it to pieces. I found out how nice it is to have a toddler potty in your tent at 2am when you really need to go and your campsite is under siege by hungry raccoons. We had an awesome time!

I'm having a bad week.

((I'm having a bad week, I don't like to be negative on the internet but I'm hoping a vent will make me less moody.)

The boys are in the field this week, lame.

I'm getting a nice little preview of long days without having a husband coming home at the end of them. This is going to suck. I cleaned upstairs yesterday and probably spent 3/4 of the time depressed because Pandora kept playing the saddest songs ever.

Speaking of the music world hating me yesterday, while making dinner and rocking out to the 90s channel on the TV...Aerosmith's 'Don't wanna miss a thing' came on.



Really? Eff you stupid Aerosmith. So I turned off the TV and turned on Pandora on my phone where the song 'Come Home Soon' by Shedaisy was playing.



Screw me, seriously!?

I ended up cooking to the sound of my kids running around upstairs.

I have decided that school full time sounds like a good idea while he is deployed...summer classes too probably. Anything to keep me busy. This is going to be hell.

God Bless America...and berries.

Man oh man, I'm horrible at updating this thing now.

Life is pretty busy lately with everything going on. Tim has been in training for his MOS and is working long days. He loves every minute of it and is actually doing better than most of the upper ranking soldiers in his class. They keep asking him if he's had the course before, which he hasn't. He leaves for field training on Sept 20th and then will be in the field come October 22nd, for a month. The military life isn't as bad as everyone makes it out to be, or maybe we haven't been in long enough. Besides the deployment factor, it's pretty normal. He works his job 9-4 with PT early every morning and he is off every Thursday by 1430 (2:30).

Can I just say again how much I LOVEEEE hearing all the songs they play over the loud speaker and how much I love hearing the planes and helicopters fly over my house? Cause I do, I love it! Yesterday, my walls were shaken twice by C-130s flying so low that I thought they may land in my drive way. A couple weeks ago I kept getting on to the girls, who were playing up stairs, to stop kicking my walls. Mackenzie ended up being right behind me and said 'mom, that's not us...that's the soldiers'. She was right..they must of been doing some training in the field because I could hear the 'bombs' going off. Quite crazy.

So I am in a book club, I know I know..someone alert the media. One of my friends up here, Jennifer, started a book club and a group of us wives meet together on Sunday's and have our book club meetings. Now before you laugh at us..we spend about 20 minutes discussing books then the next couple hours just talking. All of our husbands will be deploying together..so when they do so..we plan on also having weekly drinking nights and such ;) I love these girls, they are amazing and have made this so much easier.

So something in me must have clicked, I feel all wifely. Everyone who knows me, knows that I don't cook. I just don't do it, I don't like it. This works in my house. I raise the children, do the laundry, clean the house and all that jazz..Tim works and cooks. Oh he also mows the yard and takes out the trash and kills bugs. That's what men are for, right? Anyway..I've started cooking. Nothing fancy, I don't want to burn the house down just yet, but it's progress. Cooking from scratch get's expensive though..

My college classes are going well, thanks to my life saver. I was having some difficulty with my Macroeconomics class til I called my best friend, Ryka, who saved the day. I sat infront of the computer screen for a week straight, feeling like I was reading another language..and after sitting down with her..it all makes sense now. When I try it by myself, I just can't turn my brain on but when she explains it, a light switch just turns on. Ryka, you should become a teacher..seriously. I'm averaging a B so far, but hey, it's passing! Plus, everyone thinks I'm crazy for taking Macro instead of Micro or plain old Economics..but hey, if I pass this..I can definitely pass those.

Last week we were hit with an ass load of rain, like I mean TONS. That damn hurricane pushed up this massive wall of rain and it just poured for two days straight. I'm not sure how much we got here at Hood, but home in Round Rock (an hour South of us) they had 14 inches. The two roads leading to our community were completely flooded because some genius thought it'd be a bright idea to make the only entrances, ones that dipped low over a creek. So needless to say they were flooded and when the water finally went down, huge tree branches were on the road. I even had flooding come up into the front of my house. Thank goodness downstairs doesn't have carpet!


So Duke will be 12 weeks tomorrow and this dog has exploded. Last week he got ahold of one of Charlie's flea pills and suffered an overdose which resulted in us having to shell out $70 to make sure he wasn't going to die or have organ failure. I had given Charlie his medication, which was for an 80-120lb dog and Charlie spit it out and before I grabbed it, Duke had swallowed it. Duke weighs less than 20lbs. Within 20 minutes he was vomiting everywhere and refused to stand. Pretty scary stuff. Anyway, he has doubled his size and we're starting to believe he may be that 100lb German Shep we were expecting when we bought him. His feet are huge and his ears are too. I'll be happy when he is out of the puppy stage..we've seen a few people in the neighborhood eye balling him through the fence when they didn't realize we could see them. He now goes everywhere with us and won't be outside at night. He's such a good dog, can't risk someone trying to make him their own.

Oh, I also got my first tattoo..

Oh and one more thing..God Bless America...and apparently berries too.

I keep putting this off

I keep putting off writing this blog update, because I'm lazy.

Everything is FINALLY unpacked in our house and it feels like home. The only thing we have left to do is put up curtains in our bedroom and our living room. To me, a home doesn't feel like a home until those generic white blinds are covered, plus it adds life and color to a room. Madison's room is complete and all that is left for Mackenzie's room is her letters over her bed. Tim went out and bought a new tv for the living room, it's huge. It's a 50 inch flat screen LED-LCD and I love it. Next month I'm going to buy a new washer and dryer, a lawn mower and weed-eater, that's all we lack for the house.

Our life up here is a nice one. Our street is quiet and we don't have nosy neighbors or anyone who speeds down the roads or plays their music loud. If you walk outside after 9pm, it's silent. It's nice that all of the neighbors have kids so they understand and aren't loud or obnoxious around bedtime.

Today was Mackenzie's first day of school, I'm anxious to pick her up at 3:15 and ask her how it was. The school is half a mile from our house so I'm able to walk her to and from it every day. Kindergarten and Pre-K have their own hallway and entrance so they don't have to mingle with the big kids, which I like. This morning there was someone waiting at the door and the parents told their children goodbye and the staff would personally escort each child to their classroom. Mackenzie told us bye and gave us kisses and ran through the doors, she was so excited. I saw a few moms crying, but I'm definitely not that type. I can't feel upset or sad when she is so excited and eager to go.

Speaking of school, I'm officially a college student, again. I dropped out of college back in 2005 when I was pregnant with Mackenzie and I'm finally going back. I am taking online classes through Temple College, working on my associates. They always told us back in H.S, just go to college and you'll figure out what you want to do when you're there. Well, I hate taking classes if I won't need them so I have waited til I knew what I wanted to do. I've decided I'm interested in being a History teacher, so that's what I'm pursuing. I'll be able to have my summer and winter breaks with my children and won't have to work 12 months a year, my kinda job! Plus, I love History. My game plan is to take three classes a semester and two classes in the summer, in the beginning and then eventually go to four classes a semester. This will have me out of school with my Bachelor's when Tim is leaving the Army. I'll be able to have my job while he finishes his degree in Intelligence Operations (he already has 3/4 of it) and then we will both have our careers.

Everyone told us we did this backwards, having children, getting married and then school. To me, we did this the best way. When I'm forty, I'll have my degree and my job, but i'll be able to relax while my two girls (20 & 18) are in college! The ones who did it the 'right' way will be 40 with their careers and college educations with children still living under their roofs! See...I did it the right way, I'll be sipping margaritas on the beach ;)  ::this is how I justify it, haha, totally kidding of course!!::


On a different note, Tim is deploying. We don't know specific dates but it will be after Christmas but before the end of February. He has a two week field training coming up and then he'll be gone for a month starting at the end of October. We know where he will be going but we don't know how long he'll be gone for. Could be 6 months,12 months or 18 months..we're hoping for 6 months, but expecting 18.  With the Military, you hope for the best but prepare for the worst. I'm thankful he'll be here for Christmas but bummed that he'll be gone for our 5 year wedding anniversary. Every five years we plan on renewing our vows in some weird way. Five years was suppose to be married by Elvis in Vegas..guess we'll put that off til our 6 year ;) Such is life in the Army.

Well I know there is more to write about..but frankly, i'm too tired to keep writing..so The End.

Oh, an update on Duke. He is now 9 weeks old. He rarely has accidents in the house and his bark sounds more like a cat meowing than any type of noise that should come out of a dog..we love him.

Meet Duke

This is Duke. 

Here are his parents.

On our way home!!

Side note: He is Tim's dog, Charlie is still my main man :)

Our surprise trip to Sea World

So Tim and I decided on a whim that we would take our girls to Sea World today. Neither of us had been in years and we thought it'd be a nice surprise for the girls so we woke up and jumped in the car. We had a blast and the girls LOVED it!

Our admittance was free thanks to Sea World and Anheuser Busch's "Heres to the Heroes" program. 

( http://www.herosalute.com/ ) 

"We are proud to salute the men and women of our armed forces and their families. Throughout 2010, members of the military and as many as three direct dependents may enter SeaWorld, Busch Gardens or Sesame Place parks with a single-day complimentary admission. For your service and sacrifice, we thank you."

I offered to take a photo for a family and the father offered to take a photo of us, he must of missed our stroller.. haha

The girls checking our the dolphins at the feeding pool.

Big fake whales!

At the shark tank

Checking out the seals!

Penguins!

At the 'Believe' show

Then we saw some alligators..

(More photos are on facebook)

We had a great day!!

Sometimes I just want to punch someone.

One of those times would be now.

This is the way the military works. If you are married and live off post, you receive a thing called BAH. It stands for 'Basic Allowance for Housing', it is based on geographic duty location, pay grade and dependency status.

If you live on post, you don't receive BAH because everything is paid for (too a certain extent). Our rent, water and trash are paid for and our electricity as long as we don't go over a certain amount. 

Well, we were receiving BAH while Tim was in training. I was using it to bring down a lot of the debt that was acquired last year from Madison's hospital bills and the debt we had to put on credit cards when Tim's work slowed down last spring. I was using the BAH to lower our bills enough that we would be able to live comfortably off the military pay and my plan has been working wonderfully until Tim got to his duty station.

Tim in processed which changed our duty location and dropped our BAH down $200. Then we were put on a housing list and received a house faster than we expected and then we had car issues and had to drop $100+ into a new battery for our car. So basically we were thrown for a loop financially.

Not only that but Tim has been driving the hour plus drive to and from post every day, which takes a quarter tank of gas a day, which is adding up quickly. Last week when we signed our contract for our house on post, they charged us a prorated amount for our house since we had already received BAH for the month of July. That took another huge chunk of change that we hadn't expected for the month of July.

So we have this house that the Army won't allow us to move into yet, because they didn't arrange my husband's moving brief til tomorrow morning. So Tim is still driving back and forth but now we aren't receiving the BAH to pay for his gas.

I could just scream with how dumb the military can be at times. Why would you set up a house for a soldier to move into, charge him for it and then not allow him to move into the house which he is paying for?!

As of tomorrow our storage lease is up and we have to have everything moved out or they will charge us another months rent(which we can't afford because the storage bill was also coming out of his BAH). But the Army not approving our move *yet* and not willing to pay for a moving truck til it's approved is putting quite the damper on my mood and on our budget. 

Someone please send up a prayer for me that this is taken care of and quickly. I knew it was too good too be true. :(

Paint!

So we've painted the living room and the girls rooms to make it more 'homey'

Here is the living room. We painted it a color with the words 'mocha' in it. Whatever, I like it!

Here are photos of Mackenzie's room. We did a single dark pink accent wall and the other walls were painted a light pink shade. Mackenzie was able to help paint it and she LOVES it.

This is taken with my cell phone, so the colors don't look their true shades.

Here are the actual colors.

We painted Madison's room two shades of purple with a dark purple being the accent wall and a lighter shade on the rest of the walls. **The paint looks uneven due to the fact that it was still wet and drying.**

Now all that remains to be painted is our bedroom and the downstairs bathroom. Everything else will keep the ugly eggshell color.

Photos of our home.

So we signed our contract and received the keys to our house!
Here are a few photos..

This is the front of the house. We plan on doing some landscaping around the front so it doesn't look so boring!

Here is the living room front just inside the back door.

Here is the living room from the other corner.

Here is the kitchen from the living room

Another view, from the entrance by the front door

Here is mine and Tim's room. I forgot to take photos of our bathroom and HUGE closet.

Mackenzie's room.

Madison's room

Here is a shot of our backyard from the patio

Here is from the other direction

We're getting a house!

So to all my stalkers..that is our new house! Housing told Tim this morning that we will be able to move in by July 28th or possibly sooner. It's crazy how we went from a 5 month wait, to a one month wait to a week or less!

We are very excited about this. On his lunch break Tim drove down our new street, but they hadn't given him a house number so he just snapped a photo of this house real quick. Since it's military housing, all the houses are the same but they are new, as you can tell from the photo.

After living with my family since April 2009, we're very excited to finally be out on our own again. It wasn't bad living with my mom but it'll be nice to be a family of four again.

I'm very thankful to be as blessed as we are, especially with Tim's upcoming deployment, it's nice to have a few perks!

Deployment is in our future..

So, Tim found out his deployment dates.

I can't give specific details because of OPSEC, but..it stinks.

Let's just say that when the time comes that my husband will have been in for 2 years and 8 months..he will have been home with us for only FOUR of those months.

Trust me, my math isn't off..the schedule just sucks THAT badly.

I need a drink, something strong.

He's home..

After a long 14 hour drive on Wednesday that was followed by an hour ceremony Thursday morning with the 14 hour drive right afterwards...we are finally home.

I just want to say that life is good, nearly perfect. Tim graduated from Ft Huachuca and is now considered an intelligence analyst for the United States Army.

The girls and I have been enjoying every second with him and are loving it. He had planned on taking 7 days worth of leave but plans on reporting early on Monday morning instead. He is ready to in-process and learn his unit and their deployment schedule. Since he isn't using the leave, hopefully his new unit will grant him a permissive TDY leave of 10 days.

We are currently trying to decide whether or not to move to Hood now. We could find an apartment for 6 months or wait the 3-4 months til a house on post opens up, it just really depends on how it goes for Tim to drive there every day. We drove there this morning and in good weather with no traffic it took him a little over an hour. During the week he will be dealing with traffic and all that goes with trying to get on post. Fort Hood is the largest military post in the United States, population wise. So Tim will be battling traffic along with all the other soldiers. Hopefully his first week goes well.

I am so thankful he is home and that we can finally be a family of four together again.

The housing ball is finally rolling..

So after a phone call with on post housing and a phone call with our Realtor, the housing ball is finally rolling.

As soon as Tim comes home we will go look at some homes in the Fort Hood area and find one that is perfect for us. Our Realtor is retired military and a friend of Tim's mother, so he told us he'll take care of us. We aren't very concerned with the number of rooms or the square footage, it will be a temporary living arrangement, we are most concerned about location. If I have to pay more for a two bedroom in a safe area, compared to paying the same for a three bedroom in a less safe neighborhood, you best believe I'll let my children sleep in the same room. Shoot, I'm not even against having all four of us in the same room if it means we won't be having the cops circling our block countless times a week!

I have heard from many individuals that Killeen can be a VERY iffy place to live and to make sure the neighborhoods are nice. Thankfully our Realtor works with military families up there on a regular basis and knows all the good places from the bad.

The housing wait for a three bedroom on post is 3-4 months. Tim can't apply for on post housing til he reports and he won't be reporting til a week after he comes home. The shortest lease up that way is 6 months, so we will be finding somewhere to live for 6 months and at the end of our lease we will move on post. The woman that I spoke to earlier today told me that the government has set up an arrangement with the property owners in the surrounding area that they won't allow families to break their leases early to move on post. So if a house was to become available before the end of our lease, they would hold a house for us so the day our lease ended, we could move in.

It's nice that things are falling into place. Now..we just need to get my husband home!

236

It has been 236 days since I dropped my husband off at the recruiting station in Georgetown and drove away with a heavy stream of black mascara and eye liner running down my face. My lovely husband had bought me new makeup and failed to buy waterproof but I still wore it, even though I knew what would be the end result. 

I can't believe that by the time this is over..he will have been gone over 8 months. I look back and honestly..it flew by. I can only hope and pray that I get the same fast results with a deployment as I have with training. Honestly..we are ONLY 4 months short of a deployment. The major difference between the two is that during a 12 month deployment he'd only be home for 2 weeks for RR, unlike our multiple visits during training. So yes, I realize that they are nothing the same..nor is the stress that comes along with the two. But time wise...wow, it's flown by.

I'm eager to have my husband home and get our family back to functioning as a complete set, rather than a family separated. I have heard stories and have experienced it a bit myself, how different it will be at first. It may be hard but then again it may not, we'll just have to play it out and see. I've gotten use to flying solo while he's gotten use to not having to worry about the little things..like leaving a pen laying on the desk..or leaving the toilet seat up. ;)

I'm excited for us to finally move to Ft Hood, to finally live in our own place again. I'm ready to function as a family of four and be able to go to the pool on the weekends or to the movies, I'm ready for the family activities. It's the little things you don't notice until they are taken away..the simple things. I'm ready to be able to wake up next to my husband and have our girls crawl into bed with us like they use to do on the weekends. I'm ready to be able to sleep through the night, without having to roll over at 2am to make sure I haven't missed a phone call or text. I'm excited that one of the first things we will be doing when he comes home, is going to Sea World with the girls. Sea World allows military families a free one day pass every year, and we can't wait to use ours!

I know deployments are looming in our very near future, we expect him to be deployed before February, but I am trying to not think about that just yet. I want to be able to relax and enjoy the time I have with my husband, before he has to leave again. I want to make as many memories with him and our girls, as we can before he has to leave again. Those memories are what you cling on to, because you know that the loneliness won't always be there.  I know that God has a plan and I'm trying to trust completely on that. 

Tomorrow will be 11 days and a wakeup til Tim graduates and we drive back to Texas. I'm ready!

Thank you for the prayers, it was a very scary day.

At 3:45 am, this morning, I received a very frantic phone call from Tim's younger sister Michelle. She was calling to tell me that their mother had fallen down the flight of stairs in their home and Michelle had rushed her to the hospital that is a 1/4 mile down the road from their home.

Sandy suffered multiple concussions, a broken nose and a shattered wrist. The hospital ran 2 ct scans on her to make sure she didn't have any skull fractures. She hit her head multiple times with the fall and black outs following, so they wanted to be positive. (She blacked out and hit her head as she was trying to sit at the kitchen table following her fall.)

Sandy came to the conclusion that she must of been sleep walking because all she can remember is falling down the stairs and her head bouncing as it hit the tile at the bottom of the stairs. The doctors told her that she would of had worse head trauma had she not of tried to catch herself with her hand.

Despite what happened, she looked incredible when the girls and I went to visit her at the hospital. She didn't have any bruising..but was in very obvious discomfort, even with a morphine drip.

I want to thank everyone who lifted her, and the family, up in prayer today. The whole situation could of been a million times worse had Michelle not of been home or had she not of heard her fall down the stairs.

So thank you, to those who prayed for her. Please continue to pray that she has a speedy recovery.

Goodbye, my big ugly friend.

Today, I lost a piece of myself...a piece I liked to call 'my big ugly friend'

After five years of being close buddies, today I went to the dermatologist and they sliced him right off.

Haha, alright for reals though, today I went to the dermatologist and finally had a mole removed from my scalp that I have had since shortly after graduating from Stony Point back in 2005. It was big, it was ugly and I wanted it gone.

So today..thanks to TriCare and Spicewood Dermatology..that sucker is gone. Finally I can pull my hair back without needing the habit I developed of pulling down a piece of hair to cover it. I now have a small little bald spot on my scalp, which you can't see cause the hair covers it. I also can't wash my hair for 24 hours and I have to put Neosporin on it for two weeks. Yay for greasy nasty hair.

Ugh, I need a moment

I doubt I'll even post this when I'm done writing it. I just need to vent. Now that I've said that..I better write this well..because I'll post it just to prove that I can.

I feel like I have genuinely handled the past 7 months in an amazing manner. I don't cry, I don't pout, I don't throw pity parties and hate my life. I don't yell at my husband for leaving me, I don't blame my bad days on him. I don't regret him leaving, I support him every single day. You'll rarely hear me complain about our current situation and any situation that the Army has thrown at us to date. I say this because throughout the years you hear stories of women doing such things, and being angry at their husbands for leaving them alone.

I have bad days from time to time..but those are far and few between. My good days drastically outnumber my hard ones, but with that said..I still have bad days, mainly bad nights.

So much has changed since he's been gone..our girls have grown so much in the past 7 months, more so than I expected them to. Most of the change is in Madison. When he left she was still in diapers, drank out of a sippy cup, sat in a high chair, wore a bib occasionally, woke up 3-4 times a night and wasn't much of a talker. Now she is day time potty trained, drinks out of a cup, sits at the table, sleeps throughout the night and is talking up a storm. She is in need of her first haircut but I refuse to do it with Tim away, I want him there for it.

I miss him, I want him home more than anything in this world. It's hard not having him around when the house gets quiet and the kids are asleep. It gets hard doing this every day by myself, it gets lonely. I'm ready to have my other half back..I'm ready for my girls to have their daddy home.

 I can't stand to hear women complain that their husbands are working late and they are 'so lonely' or that their husbands went on a camping trip for a weekend and they don't know what they are going to do. I know this is the life we chose, but sometimes I just want to slap them and tell them to suck it up. It's the petty attitude inside of me, I don't judge these women..just want them to be grateful for what they have, that they will see their husbands in a few hours or a few days. I'm sure there are women out there who grow tired of hearing me complain about him being away when I have seen him every few months since he's been gone. I know they go year long deployments without seeing their spouse and I have no right to complain and because of this I try to keep my complaints to a minimum.

Tonight is a hard night. I want him home..but I know that when he finally gets here..it just starts the countdown til deployment. I know deployment is going to be a million times harder than what we are feeling right now. My heart aches, I miss him and want him back. I miss my best friend.

Happy Anniversary.

The words were awesome.

'Baby, they moved graduation...it'll be on the 8th instead of the 15th, we'll be together for our anniversary!'

How awesome is that?! While I wished they had moved graduation to the 1st so we could spend our anniversary AND the 4th together...I'm definitely not complaining. I was worried we wouldn't be together this year..and then possibly next year as well. I'm mentally preparing myself for him to be deployed for our five year anniversary, so it's nice that we'll at least be together this year and not miss two in a row.

So its 25 days and a wake up til his graduation and I'm excited.

We will be making the very long drive, 14 hours, on Wednesday..watching him graduate Thursday morning and then immediately after we'll jump in the car for the long drive back. So lots of money, lots of car time and lots of stress for a 30 minute ceremony. Hey Tim, if you're reading this..don't ever doubt our love for you!

It'll be monsoon season in Arizona at that time..don't believe me? Look it up..
"In Arizona, as in other regions of the world including India and Thailand, we experience a monsoon, a season of high temperatures, high winds, and high moisture, resulting in potentially deadly weather.

June 15 will be the first day of the monsoon, and September 30 will be the last day.

Monsoon storms range from minor dust storms to violent thunderstorms. They can even spawn tornadoes, though that is very rare. Typically, Arizona monsoon storms start with heavy winds sometimes resulting in a visible wall of dust hundreds of feet high moving across the Valley. These dust storms are normally accompanied by frequent thunder and lightning often leading to heavy downpours. Monsoon rains average about 2-1/2", about 1/3 of our yearly rainfall."

I'm not looking forward to that at all. When we drove to Arizona in April we drove through two large sand storms. I'm talking about doing 15 mph on the highway in a 75mph speed zone, because we couldn't see 30 feet infront of us and large semi trucks were being blown off the road. It was crazy. Tim has already told me that the weather is getting bad up there, the wind is starting to pick up. Hooray....

::deep sigh::

::breathe in::

::breathe out::

I can finally breathe again, at least for a short bit.

Tim passed his FINAL test today, knocked that sucker out of the water with a 100%. No more tests...no more studying..no more note taking..no more freaking waiting anxiously all day to hear how his test went, no more classes!

He has his last class on Monday, and then FTX from the 15th through the 23rd, then GRADUATION!! My husband will be an intelligence analyst in the United States Army!

It's nice to be able to breathe for a bit without any concerns over tests. I can't believe that next month he'll be graduating and coming home with me. That is when the real worrying will begin...deployments. But as of right now..I breathe and I thank God.

A perfectly short weekend.

Like my play on words? PERFECTly, har har har..I'm a genius.

So Tim is officially back in Arizona and as I type this he is trying to find the van to take him back to post from the airport. Yeah, he JUST got there.

This past weekend was perfect, exactly what we needed. Family, family and oh yeah..more family.

Saturday we spent the morning at Tim's parents house and then the afternoon at the Rockin River Pool thats in Old Settlers. Mackenzie has been talking for at least a month, about wanting her daddy to take her to that pool, so he was obligated since I told her he would. :) We had a blast and Tim even refrained from killing the older boys who kept plowing over our girls, and if you know Tim, then you know that took some restrain on his part.

Later that evening we cooked out at my mother's. Tim and I made our awesome bacon wrapped jalapeños and my hands were screaming for hours afterwards. Tim is the one who slices them open, fills them with creme cheese and wraps them with bacon, without him we wouldn't have these slammin peppers, but without me..you couldn't eat them. Thats right, I'm the one who gets rid of the HOTNESS, I'm the one who takes the beating. My hands are in the bowl of water, full of jalapeño seeds and juices for over 30 minutes as I scrape them clean. It's me, all me, who makes these things edible..even for tiny toddlers. So Tim and I made our awesome jalapeños and he also made fajitas. The girls and I relaxed in the backyard while we watched him grill and play with Charlie, who missed him greatly.

After we finished eating, we put our girls to bed and went up to his parents house and hung out til around midnight.

Sunday morning we woke up and headed to Tim's parents house for a day at the lake. The girls had a blast and we all got a pretty good tan, except for Tim...he just burned. We ended up spending the rest of the evening at his parents house where we played games til around 11pm.

All good things must come to an end, or so they say, so this morning Tim had to go back. His parents, sister, the girls and myself all escorted him to the airport where his family and the girls told him bye and I went back with him to wait. I am so thankful for gate passes! It's nice to not have to tell him bye just to know that he'll be sitting alone for an hour til he loads the plane. It's also nice to see the recognition he receives for being a soldier. He received many thank yous, as did I, handshakes and he was even bumped up to first class for his first flight. I must say, I love to be seen standing by his side while he is in uniform, I am so proud of my husband. That, and he's really stinking hot and all mine.

Well...44 days and a wakeup til he graduates from AIT and will be heading back to Texas. I am very excited for this day to come and can't wait til I can see him again!