Ugh, I need a moment

I doubt I'll even post this when I'm done writing it. I just need to vent. Now that I've said that..I better write this well..because I'll post it just to prove that I can.

I feel like I have genuinely handled the past 7 months in an amazing manner. I don't cry, I don't pout, I don't throw pity parties and hate my life. I don't yell at my husband for leaving me, I don't blame my bad days on him. I don't regret him leaving, I support him every single day. You'll rarely hear me complain about our current situation and any situation that the Army has thrown at us to date. I say this because throughout the years you hear stories of women doing such things, and being angry at their husbands for leaving them alone.

I have bad days from time to time..but those are far and few between. My good days drastically outnumber my hard ones, but with that said..I still have bad days, mainly bad nights.

So much has changed since he's been gone..our girls have grown so much in the past 7 months, more so than I expected them to. Most of the change is in Madison. When he left she was still in diapers, drank out of a sippy cup, sat in a high chair, wore a bib occasionally, woke up 3-4 times a night and wasn't much of a talker. Now she is day time potty trained, drinks out of a cup, sits at the table, sleeps throughout the night and is talking up a storm. She is in need of her first haircut but I refuse to do it with Tim away, I want him there for it.

I miss him, I want him home more than anything in this world. It's hard not having him around when the house gets quiet and the kids are asleep. It gets hard doing this every day by myself, it gets lonely. I'm ready to have my other half back..I'm ready for my girls to have their daddy home.

 I can't stand to hear women complain that their husbands are working late and they are 'so lonely' or that their husbands went on a camping trip for a weekend and they don't know what they are going to do. I know this is the life we chose, but sometimes I just want to slap them and tell them to suck it up. It's the petty attitude inside of me, I don't judge these women..just want them to be grateful for what they have, that they will see their husbands in a few hours or a few days. I'm sure there are women out there who grow tired of hearing me complain about him being away when I have seen him every few months since he's been gone. I know they go year long deployments without seeing their spouse and I have no right to complain and because of this I try to keep my complaints to a minimum.

Tonight is a hard night. I want him home..but I know that when he finally gets here..it just starts the countdown til deployment. I know deployment is going to be a million times harder than what we are feeling right now. My heart aches, I miss him and want him back. I miss my best friend.