I feel like this deployment is basically going to give me a one way ticket to the nut house.
I feel like i'm losing it.
My whole goal on Friday for cleaning the house is so I wouldn't come home and be haunted by little reminders of my husband, laying around the house. How silly of me.
I have built a life with that man, a home. Every single thing around me reminds me of him. I went to look in the pantry for a snack and saw a can of tuna that he bought, I had to choke back tears. TEARS!! OVER TUNA!!
I decided maybe food wasn't such a great idea, coffee sounded better. Oh crap, coffee. My husband is the person who got me into drinking coffee, he is also the one who bought the hazelnut coffee because he knows it's my favorite smell. Shit, shit shit shit. Every single aspect of my life revolves around a man who I love so deeply that I can't go a single minute thinking about him, missing him.
Tonight is my first night alone in our house. I think i'll turn in early tonight.
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You are thought about and cared about everyday by friends close and far away. If you need to scream and vent or cry till snot is streaming out of your nose....I am here for you...anytime day or night. I do not have any clue how you feel right now and I won't even begin to try to say that I do. But what I do know is that you can count on me to listen or do anything that I can to help make it better. :-)
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