Single digits.

My countdown reached single digits this week.  I look at a calendar and the knot in my stomach squeezes a bit tighter and the lump in my throat returns. How the hell am I going to do this?

I know how I'm going to do this, i'll just push through the pain, all of the tears and remember that it's only temporary.  This whole thing is only temporary and one day he'll be home and we'll be complete again.

Others have done this before, I can do this too.

It's a topic that is hard to discuss with others who haven't experienced this before or who won't be experiencing it. Until you go through the emotions yourself, you don't understand.

It doesn't matter if your husband lived in a separate town for so many weeks/months. I don't care that your boyfriend went on a camping trip that lasted a week. Until you go through not knowing how long he'll be gone, whether or not he'll come back..or when the next time you'll hear his voice or feel the warmth of his skin..you can't understand.

I am having to emotionally ready myself for the tears and pleading that will come from my daughters to have their daddy back. I'll have to endure hearing them say that they don't want me, they want their daddy. I'll have to keep my calm composure in front of them and not cry, when everything in me is wanting to break down and sob like a baby, because all I want is to have him back too.

I know I can do this, I HAVE to do this.

My next entry will probably come soon after he leaves, in the mean time..I'm off to make memories to last me through a deployment.