My husband left today..

So Tim left this afternoon for Army basic training at Fort Jackson, South Carolina.

I am at a complete loss for words. I seriously have nothing to say about all of this, and I don't really want too. So for a future disclaimer, if you see me out and about, say walking in HEB, don't ask me 'how are you doing?' because it's highly likely I'll just burst into tears. This has happened already. The tellers at our bank saw me and asked 'Did Tim leave today? How are you doing?' and I almost lost it. I simply said 'Yeah he did, and it's hard.' and I think my eyes getting teary gave them the hint.

It's what I told Tim, I'm not crying because I'm upset that he joined or that I wish he hadn't, because it's not that. I am very VERY proud of my husband for becoming a soldier, especially in war time. I'm upset because for the past 5 years I have had my best friend with me every day and have been able to joke and laugh with him, and now, he's gone. Well not 'gone' gone, but you know what I mean. It's so hard to hear a simple song on the radio that him and I would sing all the words too and not have him in the seat beside me singing along. It's hard that when I came back to pick up the girl's from their Oma's house, that Madison was upset because Daddy didn't come back with me. He's my best friend and I miss him dearly, I want him back home too.

I know that now that he's in the military it's 'one of those things you have to get use too', but saying that is a whole lot easier than doing it. I swear if someone says it to me one more time, I'm going to ask them where they found their fucking 'emotion switch' to turn off. It's not easy, it's not easy to know something in your head and then to put it into actions, when it's not what you're use too. Am I going to eventually get over this? No, I don't think you get over something like this. Am I going to learn how to cope with it, where I don't cry at the drop of a hat? I certainly hope so.

I put on Tim's St.Christopher necklace earlier when I came home from the recruiter's station, after dropping him off. It's a necklace Tim's mother bought for him a few years ago. Tim isn't really big on it, but he wears it when he goes on a trip or has to leave us for a certain amount of time. I had planned on buying him a more sturdy one for him to wear at basic, but I didn't have the money. So I'm wearing it while he is gone. It's weird to me, I'm not Catholic and don't really understand the whole saint thing, but it makes me feel better.

I'm rambling. He comes home in 45 days for two weeks. Yay, another countdown. I can't wait til I can have him home with me again, even if it's only for two weeks.